It's Never Too Late to Explore Your Kinks.

      There something about BDSM and Fetishism that causes a lot of us to become instantaneously judgmental and resistant to the idea of exploraton, even though most of us who have had thoughts and desires in these areas have had them for quite some time. As I have mentioned before, I have had desires for power exchange before I even knew what that was. I just always knew men were meant to be beneath me, I knew I liked to do to them what they try to do to women, and I knew I liked to expose the feminine element in them. The longer I tried to deny these things, the more challenging my interactions with the opposite sex became, and the more I started to question what it was I really needed in my personal life to be happy. Of course society tries its damnedest to force rigid gender roles upon us all but there’s no doubting when you cannot handle fitting in them, lest you lose your mind or worse. 

    The reason I am bringing this up is, as I go into my eighth year of being a professional dominatrix, I am constantly meeting new subs and fetishists who are in the proverbial closet. I understand it isn't always safe to come out of said closet and even that some would rather keep it in the fantasy realm, but for some of the people I speak with, it is inevitable that they will eventualy want to explore and go as far as they can go. The problem is, they fight it for so long it becomes an obsession, and not necessarily a healthy obsession. The amount of males I speak to who are absolutely bi-sexual or gay is immense, but they do not plan to do anything about it. So in order to feed their need, they go behind their girlfriend or wife's back, and find men to hook up with. I wish they felt safe to express and live their truest desire, to feel comfortable as a gay male, but often times they do not. What does that say about our society, that people cannot freely be themselves for fear of rejection or worse?

    For me, I have always felt it is better to be true to yourself and to your loved ones, rather than live a life filled with inescapable secrets that cause guilt and shame and if discovered will cause severe pain or perhaps, maybe more understanding will come from the discovery. Are you 100% sure you SO will not be able to accept you? I understand that some fantasies do not necessarily need to move outside of the play space/dungeon, I really do. I just want you to ask yourself, what would be so horrible about realziing you aren't straight? What would be so horrible about owning your desire? Of course I have a lot of privilege and I am aware of that. I can be out about being pansexual and I do not fear repercussions because I live in a progressive area of the country. Not everyone has the same privilege as I and while I work everyday to release my privilege I can really only directly effect my life.

    When it comes down to it, I believe we are wired to like what we like and the majority of subs and fetishists I have played with do not have a singular experience that triggered their behavior, and they cannot actually pinpoint why they like what they like, but they certainly know what they like and how they like it. Thats not to say some have a key moment that triggered their fetish, because there are those who do. Regardless, the common factor I find with all the subs/fetishists I see, I know they have to have that in their life but they still feel very bad/wrong/judged/shamed/guilty for not wanting "normal" sex above all else. Many just go through the motions to keep up the appearance of being normal and or of average sexual preference. That doesn't stop them from exploring what they truly desire and it doesn't stop them from doing things they may or may not feel guilty about. They literally have to have it, and it definitely keeps my doors swinging open to all types of people just looking to be understood.

    Dominatrices and most sex workers create a safe space for people to explore their kinks, fetishes, and desires, but of course society doesn't alway see us as such. I have had sessions that have turned into a sub wanting to talk about the troubles they’re having in their personal life or marriage, the frustrations they feel about not being able to openly explore their fetishes, and I do my best to help share openly and honestly. On the flip side, sex workers are often blamed for spouses "straying", we're blamed for being the temptation of said spouses as if they wouldn't have those urges if we weren’t there. I cannot say that I think people should get married if they cannot be upfront with their spouses abouttheir  fantasies and fetishes and kinks... Why would you be marrying someone you don't want to see you for all that you are? And for those that aren't in a relationship, our time together allows them greater access to and freedom of thier deepest expression which I think is most excellent. We should be able to explore our fantasies as adults in a consensual experience, whether it is paid or not.... Nothing about that is bad, as far as I have seen.. Conscious exploration is applauded in most aspects, except sexuality.... like we could be humans without human sexuality? It is not something we can seperate from ourselves, but rather a part of the whole. 

If the Shoe Fits... Shove it in Their Mouth

     It's not just conjecture to say that foot fetish is the most popular fetish... it's absolutely true. Foot fetishists enjoy a variety of things about feet, and all their parts, but the fetish is often not limited to feet. Along with fetishization of various toe types, toenails, heels, arch, feet wrinkles, feet calluses, etc. many foot fetishists adore shoes, and the variety is pretty amazing, especially to someone who is not necessarily into this fetish. So many unique tastes and various fascinations with shoes, from sandals, to sneakers, to ballet flats, uggs, and of course stilettos and high heels, it can be overwhelming. I bet though if you stopped for a minute you may realize you have a thing for shoes, maybe not a full blown fetish, but definitely a love and admiration for the coveted foot coverings. From Keds to Louboutins, the varietys, brands, and stlyes of shoes seem never ending, and frankly, kind of overwhelming.

    When I have asked my shoe fetishists what aspect they specificially feel drawn to, the answer is as wide ranging as brands of shoes. I have been told a few times it was the cartoon mom/nanny in several saturday morning cartoons, where the mother was just the legs and heels, with part of her skirt in the shot and no other part of her, like in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. For others it has to do with a deep adoration for the power a woman holds when she dons these magical shoes that make her taller, legs appear longer, as grace and strength pour from her. Others love the feeling and thought of being completely walked on by women, to be compeltely objectified as if they were nothing more than a rug to be trampled, used, and eventually discarded. Some subs prefer old sneakers and Ugg's because the smell really turns them on, and they feel humiliated for liking something so taboo as stinky old shoes and boots. Yet another preference is for thick hard soles boots, boots that can be lovingly polished, and used to kick, and be kissed, and worshipped. 

    While many like a variety of experiences with feet and shoes, not all are submissive, but it's been my experience when someone is in awe of your foot apparel, it is possible to get them to do just about anything to be close to those shoes, underneath them, it truly doesn't matter which way they want them, they will be open to most things. The reason for this is because most vanilla people are very uncomfortable around feet. I think we all know at least one person who is sure feet are the most disgusting things in the world, right? While foot fetishes are super common, it is still not a mainstream fetish by far, not like boobs or something to that effect. If you are able to keep an open mind, you can have an awful lot of fun with someone who is into shoes. Of course, as a Dominatrix, I tend to spend a lot of time with male subs who want me to trample them, who want to lick the bottoms of my boots and be subject to me shoving my gorgeous stilettos down their throats. Let me tell you, it's fucking hot!

    I have always loved making men my abject pets, ready to do whatever at the snap of my fingers. It's a truly fascinating game. Before going pro, I didn't spend a lot of my personal BDSM play time dedicated to foot fetish, so it was kind of a whole new world for me, but I immediately dove into it and the psychology behind it. I didn't hesitate when a sub would ask me to walk on them no matter how much smaller they were than I. I became privy to the world of giantess fetish because of foot fetish parties, and the desire to be made to feel insignificantly small under Mistress's feet, or heels, was a common request for me. It probably had something to do with the fact I am 5'9" without heels on and about 6'2" with heels. I have always towered over males, and during my twenties had discarded many pairs of high heels for ballet flats or wedges that prevented me from towering over my insecure dates. Luckily I didn't stick with that too long, because I love heels, and heels with platforms so if I am taller than you and you cannot handle it, then that's too bad.

   It was really interesting to me how one person could see my height as a glorious thing while others were ashamed when I was taller than them, and how much of this affected not only my self awareness, but also effected what kind of shoe I would wear. Shoes have always had so much power and even when I was subconsciously aware of how they made me feel or my partner feel, I became hyper aware when someone reveled in my statuesque beauty and the additional height achieved with stilettos or platform heels. It really allowed me to experience shoe and foot fetish in a whole new light because while some people feel trapped by their insecurities, which are dictated by cultural standards of height and dominance, others revel in them and explore their subversive desires. 

The magic found in accepting our idiosyncracies is a powerful thing. And having someone literally suck off a stiletto I'm wearing, is one of my favorite things to witness... 

Lock it Up! The Joy's of Male Chastity

 When you first hear the word "chastity", you may think of a few things... a virtuous woman, a virginal woman... maybe even a medieval device used for woman to keep them "untouched" or "unspoilt". Regardless the idea of chastity or being chaste is something that is most frequently used in regards to a quality that is ideal for females to possess. I personally have never heard people talking about the value of a man being in direct realtion to his virginal behavior, unless it was to humiliate or degrade him. I guess somewhere that is a thing but for the sake of this post, chastity is traditionally something forced upon women, ultimately by men, so they will be "worthy of marriage". The women's chastity belt was just that, a belt with a metal piece that ran from the back of the waist down to between the legs and back up to the front of the waist. The area that is directly over the vulva, often had sharp bits to prevent even the slightest chance of penetration, allowing only waste out of the females body. Wearing it would often cause sores on the skin from prolonged exposure or chaffing, as the metal was quite rigid and prone to digging into the soft flesh of a womans body, not to mention potential sepsis from being unable to wash properly. 

    

    Doesn't sound like much fun to me and since it was hardly ever consensual, but rather forced, I am not a fan. I am also not a masochist or into someone else controlling my pleasure, so its definitely a 0/10 on the scale of interest. Of course you can find similar types chastity belts to purchase, on kinky websites and people use them for consensual play. Sure whatever gets you off, amirite? Now lets talk about something that is much more subversive, often taboo, and most often a topic of ridicule. A chaste male, a male who has been denied the ability to not only touch himself, but for all intents and purposes, can not even get a full erection, nor remain erect while in a male chastity device. The very idea is ripe with feelings that engender male infertility, loss of his verility, beta male, cuckold... It is a humiliation for a male to be denied access to his sex, but it's a virtue for a woman to be denied access to her sex. This is why male chastity is in my opinion much more subversive and taboo, and satisfying! We've already been there, done that with women. 

    A male chastity device is many things, but most importantly it is a way to reprogram man's mind to take his focus of of his dick and on to other more valuable pursuits. Now I believe masturbation is perfectly healthy, and theres nothing wrong with a little self pleasure. That being said, the average male, from what I have learned as a professional dominatrix, is masturbating several times a day and orgasming in minutes from a grip that is tighter than any vagina will ever be. So it is not uncommon that most of these chronic masturbators aren't lasting long enough to please a woman, let alone thinking about the reality that sex is mutual.  Then they wonder why they cannot keep a girlfriend when they get one, or ever get a call back from a woman once they have sex with them for the first time. 

    Locking a male into a chastity device creates a real intense disconnection from the part of their body they connect with the most. They cannot touch it, they cannot stroke it, they can barely get hard and if they do it will not get fully erect as the cage is designed to not allow that type of growth. As a result, males start realizing they have to do other things to please themselves and the partner in their life. They realize ther is more to life then blindly masturbating for every and any reason. Usually, this leads them to focus more on their partners pleasure and often will have real conversations about how they can please their keyholder. Because, if the keyholder isn't pleased, then they will not be granted permission for release, not only release from the cage but also possibly release in the form of an orgasm.

    Male chastity cages are designed differently than female chastity belts, mainly because of the shape of genitals differ as well as the placement on the body. It is imperative that males are measured before purchasing the device, because the ring that slides over the cock and balls that keeps the larger front piece of the device on needs to be exact. Too big and it will not stay secure. Too small and it will cut of circulation and that will cause damage. Even if the desire for locking your partner in chastity is to cause atrophy, you still want to make sure the base ring fits properly. There are also a variety of cock cages, including but not limited to; stainless steel and thicker varieties of sturdy plastic. I tend to prefer stainless steel, as they are much more resilient and I have had the plastic cages shatter/break. Not really the outcome you want, especially while your sub is wearing it. It is important to rememebr that at least once a day they will need to be let out for a supervised wash and promptly returned to the cage. Hygiene is still very important, even in chastity.

    My favorite part of keeping a male in chastity is watching their ego magically disappear... They no longer can assert their masculinity vis a vis constant ejaculation. They know that they no longer have control of their favorite toy, and as I mentioned before, know they must please their Mistress in order to be granted release. It is such a mind fuck for them to experience what it is like to be chaste, for their cock to be inaccessable, for them to rely on someone else to give them permission to pleasure. It is during lock up that you can start refocusing their mind and teach them how to please you. Release isn't guaranteed or mandatory. Therefore, they will learn to focus on Mistress whether or not there is potential for release. The things you can train them to do for you, while they're locked up are endless. It really is up to Mistress to decide what she wants from her chaste sub, and they will soon learn that it is better to follow directions, ask permission, trust Mistress's judgment, and focus on her pleasure than forget the position they are in. 

    Some of my favorite things to train my chastity subs are; how to provide a proper foot massage, the way I like things cleaned and arranged in the house, the importance of checking in, making sure I am pleased in the moment and do not need anything, how to perceive My next move so they can be ready and waiting. I love teasing them endlessly while they are locked up, depending on what their weakness is, because then you get to watch their cock, no matter how big or small, absolutely struggle to get out of their cage. They will start dripping precum, which you can force them to eat... you can rub your feet over their locked cock, and watch as their faces crinkle up in horror... you can shove their face in your sweat soaked yoga pants. It truly is limitless, the amount of creative and fun things you can do to a man while he is locked up and being told no. Because lets face it, men have a hard time hearing no, and they all really need to accept that they should not and will not always get what they want.

My 40th Birthday is One Month Away

 I will be turning 40 this October 13th and I am so freaking excited for it! I can’t wait for everything coming on this solar return as I have a lot of pots on the fire at this moment and some of them are ready to burst!

As of right now there are really only two things I would like and that is this pair of bespoke Fernando Berlin crotch high boots.

[https://www.fernandoberlinboots.com/en/super-long-high-heel-boots-crotch-high-straps-made-to-measure.html]

And secondly I would like to finally take the silver smith classes I have been dreaming of taking for some time.

[https://whaleystudios.com/]

It will be approx $1000 for both things and I fully plan on doing these things regardless of anything.

I am extending this opportunity for generous slaves to contribute to My birthday happiness because I fucking deserve it, and I know how much you ache to give in to My desires

All My payment links are on My profile and also if someone is especially generous in regards to the boots, I will reward you with my very first pair of leather stiletto thigh high boots. 

Scent Fetish: What's it All About?

      Scent Fetish, or Olfactophilia, is sexual arousal caused by scents. While this can be any scent, it is most often body parts like, armpits, genitals, feet, sweat, etc. but for some it is the more intense smells, such as bodily wastes. Those who consider themselves scent fetishists, love the smell of who they're with, or no one in particular, to the point that it becomes a craving, a need that cannot be denied or ignored. There are many ways to explore this fetish safely, and in all reality, is a fairly benign fetish when it is tended to. Many tend to be severely turned on by used panties or socks, and any other type of garment that can collect even the faintest of smells. Thats why so many sex workers tend to sell their used panties, socks, shoes, etc. because the requests are always pouring in. 

    Some of us cannot even fathom how someone would enjoy the scent of body odor, but I challenge you to start with taking notice of how your body smells at different times and allow yourself to explore the various scents that waft from your body. It may feel a little weird at first, but thats okay, just go with it and do not judge how you smell. Humans are not necessarily meant to smell like roses and the societal belief that we need to be as scentless as possible, or alternatively covered up by heavy scented perfumes and lotions, does more harm than good. It can be harmful to body image and self worth because too many people believe something is wrong with them if they smell at all, which is simply not the case. Not to mention many scented body products contain harmful chemicals that can possibly cause  health problems.

    Simply put, our natural scent contains pheromones which are a secondary sex characteristic, and an excellent subconscious indicator of who we are attracted to, mostly for biological reasons, but clearly, that doesn't have to be the reason we stay interested in the person, or the fetish. For us to get a clear sense of the way our pheromones, or someone elses's, drive our pleasure response we simply need to allow our natural scent to be the dominant scent. This isnt saying we need to stink horribly, but it's also not saying we can't do that if the desired outcome is to overwhelm. For some scent fetishists, the stinkier the better!

    In my experience, the subs I have interacted with who have this fetish, prefer heavier scents and like to book sessions after I have completed a vigourous workout or have worn the same clothing item days in a row. I have definitely worn the same socks and/or panties for days in a row just to get a nice dense smell coming off of the item in order to indulge the sub and use their desire to be overpowered by the smell of their dominant. I remember when I first had a scent fetishist in my personal life, and was really surprised with how much they craved to smell me and would beg me to never wear deodorant, or to forgo bathing for a day or two so my scent could really percolate. I was reluctant at first, but after watching the euphoria they experienced huffing me, I felt oddly empowered. 

    There is something so taboo about going against societys prescribed protocol of being scentless or heavily perfumed, constantly bathed to the point of developing germ phobias, that it becomes arousing to know many people prefer the natural scent to manufactured cosmetic fragrances. It makes sense if you think about it, the need to civilize humanity starts with the removal of their base desires and animalistic nature, which in reality and in essence is ultimately the disconnecting of the normal bodily processes. Many processes which produce scents are taboo or considered unclean in many patriarchal religions, causing us to believe such things as "cleanliness is next to godliness". If we believe our human bodies are wrong for smelling then we will do everything possible to disconnect from our animalistic response to pheromones. 

    Understanding these taboos can absolutely help to create a space for scent worship and often leads to erotic humilaition play and psychological domination. Often when I am allowing a submissive to partake in my scent, I love to tease them about their addiction to me and the way I smell. I tell them things like, "you're so weak for my scent",  "my scent enslaves every part of your being, and there's nothing you can do to fight it", "you're such a nasty little scent piggy", and my favorite for when one is worshiping my scent soaked armpits is to tell them, "make sure you do an excellent job of licking up every drop of sweat, you need to lick my armpits clean. Do you feel me inside of you? I am in you now, dominating you, my scent owns you." The response from the sub is more than enough to enjoy the experience because you feel so powerful watching someone worship the very thing that used to cause you anxiety, or fear of being not normal, etc.

    While I am in no way saying do not ever wash again, as that could potentially cause bacterial overgrowth, I am saying to experiment with this taboo fetish, if you haven't. At the very least, take some time to honor the natural scent your body makes knowing that someone out there would be extremely atracted to you, and completely paralyzed by your chemisty. You never know, you may develop a new fetish.

     

Quarantine Life: Anxiety Reducing Meditation

I know we've all been going through so much as we continue to be isolated in our homes, forbidden to go out and socialize. While it may be in the best interest for all, and I believe it is, as do many others, it doesn't negate the fact that this isn't our normal. We're used to going about our lives as we please, constantly moving, with external stimulation and distraction being a normal part of how we experience daily life. Without so many distractions, we are forced to look within.

While we are forced to be still, we are unable to ignore the nagging thoughts, the resentments, the self doubt, the regrets of the past that we always push aside or ignore. This is our subconscious trying to get us to deal with past trauma and other things we have not spent the time working through. So now instead of going to a movie or going out to eat, we are drinking or medicating or working out too much or online shopping to excess.. whatever we can do to continually avoid those thoughts, we will... Until we decide to face them, heal them and make peace with them.

Meditation is one way to learn to face and heal some of these thoughts and to accept that every thought doesn't need to be given attention. It also teaches us we do not need to cling to thoughts and feelings, we can simply notice them and honor the information they give us and use that to heal and make peace with our choices and actions, and ultimately become more conscious in our decision making so that we do not cultivate any more regret or resentment. Meditation teaches us to cultivate compassion for ourselves and for others, as it is up to us what we cultivate in our minds.

I hope this helps to alleviate any suffering you may be experiencing and if it does and you feel called to share it, please do.


Anxiety Reducing meditation

Thoughts on Non-Monogamy

I have very comfortably navigated non monogamous relationships since I was in my late-teens/early-twenties. I've found that each relationship is different in its intensity and experience and every partner is different in many ways, all of which I enjoy. We all bring different things to our relationships and the idea or practice of non monogamy, polyamory for some, is that with each partner we share space and time with, we increase our capacity for love, self love and love for others. The reality that we do not need to limit our capacity for love and various other experiences of intimacy encourages us to go deeper into ourselves and let go of any resistance to vulnerability and perceived relationship limitations put on us by societal ideals of monogamous love. Ideally, It allows those feelings of love and gratitude to make us more emotionally present, for ourselves and our partners.

Non-monogamy was freeing for me, and I admit, I choose to say non monogamy because I don't desire to always have multiple intimate/romantic relationships as required to claim polyamory. Often I prefer the freedom that comes from knowing I don't have to feel bad for flirting or playing with different people, or that I can have a boy friend and a girlfriend and hopefully we can all have fun together. I always believe sharing is caring and I find I am honest to a fault which is why I don't understand some peoples need to be seemingly dishonest about everything. I cheated on one boyfriend one time and told him because I couldn't handle not speaking the truth. I know thats not the case for everyone, as manipulating the truth is where they find themselves to be most comfortable. But thats not me...

When it comes down to it, relationships only have the ability to grow as much as we allow them to, and as much as we open ourselves to grow with them. If we have not done the emotional work required to house such a grand amount of emotion, it will be blatantly clear to our partners, whether we think they see it or not. Because most often they will feel it.

It is always expressly obvious to me when a partner says they have done the work and they have not because every time they reach their limited capacity, based on their inability to accept emotional vulnerability, they start to shut down or push away the relationship which is energetically asking them to grow and open up. Instead of moving into it and bringing additional partners into their life without purposefully damaging the current partnership, they may act wounded, resentful, distant and cold. They may start being dishonest and hiding their intention, which actually doesn't work at all, because in non-monogamy there can be many interconnections between each others partners that they may not know exist.

The thing that I find to be most intriguing is a partner who claims non-monogamy to be their practice but then when it comes down to it, they aren't able to actually navigate multiple relationships. Perhaps they aren't really sure of how to do so, which means they haven't done the work to understand the myriad of feelings that comes with having more than one intimate relationship... meaning they haven't done the work, or read any books on the subject, talked to those more knowledgable, etc. Perhaps they really aren't non-monogamous but are dealing with unhealed trauma from past relationships where they put every bit of them self into it, but wound up with a hand full of shit, therefore preventing them from wanting to truly be vulnerable to avoid such a feeling and experience from ever happening again. I hate to say it, but thats life. Theres good, theres bad, theres everything in between, and we all have to deal with some of it. Becoming an ostrich will not save you.

Non-monogamy requires a good deal of talking openly and honestly about your feelings and experiences, hopefully from a grounded place, in order to grow and grok the changes we need to make within ourselves, within our relationships, or how we respond to certain unavoidable experiences. There is no way you cannot do the work required for emotional maturity and think you will be able to have healthy relationships of any kind. You will not be able to respect others boundaries if you do not know what and where yours are.

And what is the point of saying you're non-monogamous and then lying to your partners all while acting that they would be so offended if you were spending time with other partners? I have seen this happen in many, many, relationships and I do not quite grok the point of it. If we are being mature, open, and honest in our relationships, it allows for the kind of growth required of, well, really everyone. I practice non-monogamy because it feels great to be honest about the fact that I sometimes desire more than one partner/lover/intimate friend/play partner or whatever other kind of relationship that may be seen as problematic in a monogamous relationship structure. Does it serve non-monogamy to be so scared to say out loud what you really want? Will the trees fall in the forest if you utter your truth? Will everything bust at the seams if you're finally honest with yourself?

Turns out, everything will be even richer and juicier if you can be what you desire without judging it, or making excuses for it, or pretending to be what you aren't.

There's a lot of love out there... How will you choose to interact with it? Or will you choose to continually sabotage it for the illusion of control?